Bad Habits that destroy Your Life
And it’s no surprise for anybody
People fascinate me.
I always have respect for people. I never intend to overstep limits or do wrong onto anybody else, and nothing is worth becoming a ruthless inhuman person.
But however, people fascinate me. And I noticed patterns.
Humans are creatures of habit. And habits are transmitted from one individual to another (it’s called being inspired, it sometimes even happens subconsciously). Habits are passed on from one to another just like diseases. Some habits are good, and some are unfortunately, extremely destructive.
This doesn’t matter.
What matters is one’s ability to judge what is right and what is wrong (which differs to each person).
Let me explain why:
If you pick up a good habit, you can just as easily lose it. Your power of discernment is what will push you to decide that you want to keep it. That is how you keep doing what is right. It is a choice.
It is a choice YOU, and only you, have to make EVERYDAY. For the rest of your life. Just like how you wake up daily or how you brush your teeth daily, or how you have to eat daily. You have to decide to keep doing what is good for you. period.
Good habits can be lost. You have to hold on to them!
Bad habits are easy to pick up as well. I once picked up the habit to not return phone calls and text messages on time. Because I saw myself as the victim of this kind of behaviour. I thought that if it happened to me, I am entitled to do this to other people. I didn’t think about how I might make other people feel about me.
Heck, I didn’t think about the opportunities that I was throwing away by being unreliable. I was irresponsible, I still felt hurt and I was thoughtless about my behaviour. Taking the role of victim has cost me a lot. It has cost me my time in which I could not be a victim and feel self-pity. I regret that.
But I don’t regret it that much because I believe I needed to go through that to be able to see and understand how destructive it was for me.
By being unreliable you cannot collaborate with anyone. You can’t even communicate properly with anyone, because people lose trust in you. Therefore, you lose your right to trust other people. And life lived in a state of distrust and uncertainty is horrible. It’s horrible when it’s not even your fault, but when you deserve it (according to the “you get what you give” principle), it’s worse. Letting people you care for down is a terrible thing to go through.
And I’m saying this because a tiny unchecked bad habit is easy to spiral out of control.
And the real danger is that when you accept a bad habit you have, it becomes invisible to you. That’s why some people are being mistreated and they’re not even aware of it. Because they accepted that behaviour and are ready to do it to someone else if given the chance or if they feel they need to. Usually someone close to them.
The gist of my rant is birds of a feather flock together (so be careful how you treat people, including yourself). You might meet someone worse, who isn’t good for you.
Had I kept my bad habit and had I not remedied it, it would have branched out in other areas of my life and messed up the things I work on and put effort and heart into. So beware, bad habits are easiest to remove when you first detect them. Second guessing it is called complacency and leads to dissatisfaction with oneself.
So, let’s jump into it, extremely destructive bad habits that I watch out for not to pick up, ever:
1. Avoiding important matters
People spend time on the internet today, more than ever. In the old days, if you read a newspaper, at one point you would finish it.
Then, television was invented, and society could browse channels until they found something that captured their attention. But still, any TV programme would end at one point.
Now, the situation is a 1000 times worse. You are constantly connected to the internet. You have a phone near you at all times. Leaving the never ending stream of notifications and junk emails aside, Google and Facebook perfected the Art of grabbing your attention. If you leave your attention unsupervised, you end up realising that the day ended and you haven’t done anything and at the same time you feel tired, as if you had really done something.
Trust me, if there is something that you want to avoid, you will end up avoiding it, one way or the other.
That’s why it’s important to set goals and keep yourself accountable. For the day, for the week, month, etc. Businesses usually create for themselves a 5-year business plan. Not that they would stick religiously to it. But because it gives them some direction.
With no direction, you end up at square 1.
The worst part of it is that you don’t grow as a person through experience that you gather doing things that you might even enjoy! And your projects are not progressing, and you are not getting closer to your achieving your dreams. Complacency creeps in when it is allowed to.
And days that are wasted add up. And blaming someone doesn’t change anything. You are responsible for how you use your time, and no decision is the worst decision.
2. Pessimism — Defaulting on the worst-case scenario
“Being a realist” (whatever that means) is usually used as an excuse. But I never understood why underselling oneself and setting the bar low is the first thing some people do to attain “realism”.
Life is what you make out of it, it doesn’t get “realer” than that!
I guess some people are afraid of disappointment. Or for some people asking for what they want and/or need is an alien thing for them to do.
What’s wrong with being over-enthusiastic? What’s wrong with overplaying your hand? And could somebody tell me what is the most they ever lost from trying something, and failing, and feeling disappointed?
The real thing to worry about, is if you NEVER TRY ANYTHING!
Sure, setting the bar low and crawling into the certainty of defeat is easy. But who would want such a thing?
Where would we be today if people just gave up on their aspirations and never pursued anything meaningful to them.
Wasn’t it Steve Jobs that said “Never settle” ?
How come it is the most wealthiest people that took the biggest financial risks? They had all the money that they could need anyway.
The creator of Nike said that “Impossible is nothing”
Fear is a natural feeling. No person is exempt from it and with the right amount of perseverance any obstacle can be overcome. But being pessimistic is just downplaying oneself and leads to missing opportunities.
3. Treating other people badly
This one is quite tricky, because it can happen without ill intention or even awareness. But if people are being open and honest and are trying to relate to the other person that they are talking to (working with) then this should not be an issue. Any interaction (and any relationship) requires openness and sincerity, otherwise the interaction is useless and nobody is getting any value out of it.
The whole point is sharing perspectives and concerns and connecting as people. It sounds obvious and it’s natural, but when people are reserved and closed up that cannot happen.
And sometimes, like in public services or at a workplace, for example, people need to communicate and keep each other up to date. Sometimes they took the task of collaborating creatively with someone else, and they won’t be able to fulfil their task if they don’t communicate clearly. It’s easy for people to forget that their actions have outcomes and do impact others.
But I’m talking here about intentionally treating other people badly.
Even if you were wronged or suffered unfairly, never spill your anger or sadness on other people who are innocent! It’s your responsibility to process the things that happened to you and make sense of it.
And make plans for what to do in the future, so that those things don’t happen again. Problems must be solved. Otherwise they keep persisting.
And our main purpose, as humans, is to improve and become better versions of ourselves. We don’t know what those better versions look like or what they act like. But we can feel when we are mistreating someone. The problem is not actually with the person we are mistreating, it’s actually with ourselves. It comes from a feeling of powerlessness and lack of control. If there were no such problems, then why couldn’t we just ask nicely for what we need and accept whatever we get and move on. If it wasn’t enough, at least it came naturally (it wasn’t forced) and if we got less than what we need, we know it’s time to move on and look for someone else that we can trust, who can fulfil that need. Be it a client, a business partner, a friend, a family member, etc.
Conclusion
The root cause for people picking up habits that are unhealthy for themselves and for others that surround them is that they don’t have a strong value system. They should review their principles and reflect on the type of person that they want to be. If they can find their true north, they will know when they are drifting away from their path and they’ll be able correct their course. Otherwise, they might find themselves “lost in the woods”, so to say, when encountering unexpected circumstances.
It is imperative for anyone to pursue things they are passionate about. It’s what keeps us alive and fascinated. People need a sense of meaning in what they are after, so that it remains relevant for them. Even tasks that otherwise would seem mind-numbing and boring, like a day-job, become more enjoyable because now, he/she knows what they are working for.
And last, but not least, having empathy for other people is important. It gives people a gauge of what society is like nowadays, what other people are interested in, what they need, and what they are like. You have so much to offer to other people, but only if you know their requirements and their way of being. Only if you can reach out to them.
Getting involved in society and communities can be the most pleasant part of work/life if you merge with crowds in which you belong and to which you can contribute. Not to mention, that it keeps you grounded when you lose track of your path and feel lost, which will inevitably happen if you put in the work and focus.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change” — Charles Darwin
And even though we change continually, nowadays faster than ever, it’s equally important to keep the good habits and skills that we pick up, and avoid or, if need be, relinquish the bad habits which would harm us and our loved ones.
